A few hours ago, it was a Friday night. And I’ve been dreading this night. Only because Friday nights make me think of indie-disco dance night. And dancing makes me think of Jeremy. And me thinking about Jeremy…..well, it’s a little too much.

 

So when Shawn came home and found me in bed at 4:30 p.m. with THE SONG blaring from the stereo in the living room and the shades pulled down. My pathetic disheveled self in a heap on the floor tangled in blankets and a pillow with one of Jeremy’s stained pillowcases. My only friend the ashtray I had stolen off of Jeremy before he left. I kept lighting his brand of cigarettes one after the burned out other and just laid there watching the smoke curl up in the stagnant air. Breathing in the fumes deeply every so often and coughing. I had bought three boxes of Marb. Menthols earlier and was going to send them to Jeremy in New York. A little kind of present. He’s more broke than I am. =] And a little miserable (though I was tough competition right then). His stupid roommates are shitheads. I don’t smoke….but loved that Jeremy did. It was one of my favorite things about him.

 
Anyways, Shawn came home (those words still kill. It didn’t feel like home) she cursed loudly….which was quite a feat…the stereo was making my floor vibrate. She turned off the endless loop of The Girl From Mars…which pissed me off and came into my room. When she did….I told her if she wanted me to stop she’d have to go buy me a bottle or forgetfulness and then I threw some money at her. I’m a little bit of a drama queen. *GRINS* Jeremy and I had pretty much demolished our stash the previous Friday. Even the beer was gone. I wanted something. Something to make me get drunk real nice and quick-like. And something that went down easy.

 
Well, when she came back with some Absolut Cranberry…I could’ve kissed her. She went into the kitchen and poured me a glass. She brought it back to me and set the bottle on the floor, next to my head. I asked her quietly if she could bring me some Fresca. And she did along with her CD player and headphones. She smoothed my hair off my wet face. And gave me a little peck on the forehead. And closed the door behind her.

Much later, stumbling out, she left me a little post-it on the counter.

If you wanna do indie-disco dance night tomorrow let me know. 

-Shawn

It's only been a week or so since Jeremy left for New York. He transferred to N.Y.U. this semester. He's all the way on the East Coast.

The apartment has been really quiet since he left. The cat, whom we refer to as "Cat" (clever eh? well, thanks to Jeremy's bleeding heart we had to keep the damn stray...and Cat, Jeremy says is a hella lot nicer than "You litle cuntface" that my affections have deemed) and she has been sulking around. She is constantly staring out the window and giving me these looks. You can tell the puss misses Jeremy. I yell back at her constantly, "well, this puss misses him too!"

We texted yesterday and according  to him the Cat is now known as  "the ash that dusts off my windowpane" or Dusty Windowpane for short.  I think Jeremy may have had too many glasses of red wine (he tends to drink in the mornings...hahahah) But, I've even shortened it to Dusty. Too many syllables to yell when she's perched on my pillow. or tearing up rolls of toilet paper. I swear, Jeremy is out to give the cat a complex. 

I don't think it's really set in that he's gone. I mean we do talk almost every day, if not, at least we text.  I haven't changed the voicemail yet... or been out dancing since he left. It's just not that much fun to go to indie-disco dance night without the main event y'know?  I should've videotaped him dancing.....describing it as "tearing up the dance floor" just doesn't do him justice.

He's secured there now. Got an apartment and looking for a job. he keeps talking about going to The Garden to see The Killer's. Poor little Fanboy extraordinaire Jeremy. It makes me laugh so hard. He's a week late at university....but he won't be far behind for long.

Oh! I forgot to mention the new roomie, Shawn. She's a friend of Jeremy's. And I've hung out with her more than a handful of times. Jeremy assures me that she's fine. But I'm still paranoid. But paranoia doesn't pay the bills (otherwise Jeremy (especially him) and I would be rollin'). I haven't really sat down and talked to her really. Just drive-by small-talk. Y'know the kind, "Chllly outside, eh?", "Did the mail come by yet?" and "Found this in the dishwasher...yours or J.D.'s?"


It's only been a couple of days...so we'll give it time. Meanwhile, the semester has started up for me last week and I think Shawn is cooking burgers. It's nice having a roommate that can cook (sorry doll, Campbells gets sickening after awhile....). Jeremy and I were so lazy. and pretty useless cooks, it's a surprise that our apartment was ever clean. It's a nice, albeit different change.

Off I go, love! Leave me a message sometime.

<3